Tag Archives: Disney

When Screwing Your Clients Goes Wrong: The EPIC Conclusion

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That’s your intro. Now comes your awesomeness! BAM! Mugshots, y’all:

Swoapcharges

Nothing says glamour like these pics. Work it, girl!

Gather round, boys and girls, even you new kids, I have to tell you a short little story. If you know me, and by now you do, you know that the first rule of Crooked Letterz is, if it’s funny, I’m gonna laugh. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what it is. I know I talk about villains and bad guys and stuff, but look at the other stuff I’ve written: handicapped hockey games (and the cripple fight at the soccer game), overactive bowel movements, DMFRHs. If it’s funny, I’m laughing. That’s the deal.

This is funny.

And you can imagine the giggles and broad smiles that crossed my face when my wife came bumping down the stairs, talking about “Stacy Case just called me!” Stacy who? Then she started talking slow. “Stacy Case. From Fox news. In Tennessee. Just called me.”

Stacy Case is an anchor at Fox 17 in Nashville. Stacy Case did a heartwarming little story last year—just like mine—highlighting the local awesomeness of the Swoaps and promoting how they could save you money on your next Disney trip. I’d love to show it to you, but that shit is no longer on the Fox 17 website. Know why? Cuz you don’t make a fool out of Stacy Case. That shit no longer exists. But you know what does? This:

Did you catch the blurred out ex-BSJ employee? Care to guess who that might be?

Oh, you know what else exists? This—and these cats were first:

50 Plus Families Duped Out of $50K

I have some new kids at the party today, and yesterday, and the day before. I hope you brought snacks for the rest of us. Now, you might looking at us, thinking, “Are you guys seriously laughing at these people?” In a word, yes. In three words, they started it.

But it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. Somebody got hurt. And that brings us to our Jerry Springer End of the Show moment.

It has been a wild, crazy, expletive-laced ride with the Swoaps, hasn’t it? I had fun, didn’t you? I mean, my wife was called a pill-popping alcoholic and a thief. Publicly. I was a sack of shit and motherfucker. They left us this fantastic voicemail (the Boy didn’t autotune it—I’m taking volunteers):

But, for all the fun it’s been, it’s time to let it go. Awww, I know, I know. But this is the last post on DMFRHs, our favorite two assclowns (you know you love it!). EVER. Like forever. After this, we have to be done. For good. Here’s why:

If you notice from the pic at the top, these cats have a casual relationship with the law. This isn’t the first run in the Swoaps have had with the boys in blue. And if you listen to what both newscasters said, a) these charges carry penalties of at least 8 years with fines up to $250,000; and b) they are also investigating my man for defrauding the state with his unemployment. All kidding aside, this is serious shit.

When it was John and Melanie talking shit to my wife via email, that was one thing. It was heated words and exchanges, loud talking and legal threats that never came to fruition. It was an argument—ultimately victimless. This isn’t. This is serious shit with real victims. This is the stuff that ruins lives.

55 families were defrauded (allegedly—I think I have to put that in). Little girls were almost deprived of their Disney World trip AT Disney World (which is FUCKED UP by the way). There are at least 10 planners whose livelihoods are severely impacted, if not curtailed entirely. And these guys are parents themselves. It is very likely they could lose their kids or their kids could lose one or both parents to prison.

Not so funny anymore.

Now it’s just sad.

And that’s why we have to be done.

Want more Swoap-y goodness? See how it all began!

When Screwing Your Clients Goes Wrong: Now We Get All Investigative Journalist On Ya

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So the Wife and I had a Perry White-Lois Lane moment here at the ranch, trying to decide what to publish on this here blog and what to leave alone. Believe it or not, I opted for discretion (cuz THAT’s my MO, right?). She pushed for shaming these bastards the public’s right to know.

What I didn’t know was that my wife wanted to be Woodward & Bernstein as a kid. This woman got sources, screenshots, connections, images and fileboxes, blood samples and bulletin boards–the search for the Zodiac Killer was not this thorough. So you can imagine who won in this little journalistic struggle. The caveat, the Wife gets her own post. So here, for the first time, is a Crooked Letterz exposé:

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been pretty quiet until now. I’ve been busy these last 9 months recovering from surgery, getting healthy, enjoying my family and of course, travel sales – Disney and more now. I’ve been very blessed to have my husband as my rock and voice during all of this.

I sat quiet through being called a pill popping alcoholic; I sat by when John called me a thief and a bitch, and while being threatened with slander suits. Until my Facebook, emails and phone started blowing up in June.

First, it was small things – “Have you see that BSJ got shut down?” or “ This is such-and-such from XYZ Company. We’re on the Earmark Committee. I’m just checking on you – we were referred to your husband’s blog by such-and-such or our DM [District Manager–it’s a Disney thing]. We’re hearing all these rumors running around about Disney shutting down Blue Sky Journeys. We’re so sorry to hear what happened to you.”

Then the emails and Facebook messages with links came. “Have you seen they started a new company?” To which I would say, “Well maybe it’s an entirely different company?” Right? I mean why would planners stay where there are issues? You can’t access your reservations; you’re worried about your clients; you’re getting fed bullshit via email about trying to get the company back up and running during a holiday weekend; and prior to a huge free dining special offer coming out. Why would you believe what is being told to you. Right???

I was astonished to learn after some easy internet research and a few phone calls that less than 48 hours after being served a SHUT THE HELL DOWN by Disney they START A NEW COMPANY! Even the youngest detective could figure this out.  I start with the Blue Sky Journeys website. While I see that while the front-page of BSJ is under maintenance, their agent page is still accessible. OOPS!  Go ahead go look. I’ll wait. http://www.blueskyjourneys.com/agents#!__agents Oh, and if they happen to take it down after this blog post – I have screen shots.

Now lets take a look at another site that was linked to me in Facebook. This came from one of my concerned associates and was sent to my Facebook messages: http://www.fantasyanddreams.com/#c20z

If you look at the drop down list, you can see some similarities. I am not here to make judgment on the new company nor the agents that are there. I am only here to point one main person.

That person currently is under indictment and has been arrested on theft charges in the State of Tennessee. You can figure out who that person is, right?

So then I take to Facebook and, even though BSJ can’t sell Disney anymore, they are still doing business selling other travel. Here is an example from the same week they had to stop selling Disney:

BSJ Fantasy & Dream Connection

Finally, I searched CLIA (Cruise Line Industry Association) by name. This first screen shot is an Agency Look Up as a CLIA member (which I am). The second is one you can get yourself if you’re looking for an agent in your area by Zip code. Now, I’m not sure WHY when you search it shows Franklin, IN – typo maybe?? Here you can look for yourself by searching Fantasy & Dreams Luxury, LLC in the zip code box: http://cruising.org/vacation/agencyfinder

BSJ CLIA

BSJ MelanieIn my mind I think: Why would Melanie if she is not the owner of the new agency, file for a new CLIA number (needed to sell Disney) under her maiden name? There are even Facebook screen shots showing that she is currently the manager and vacation planner at Fantasy & Dreams Luxury Travel, LLC and the Owner at Blue Sky Journeys.

BSJ Melanie Facebook

Why should a person who is currently out ON BOND and indicted for theft of over $60K  – a Class B felony in Tennessee be allowed to continue to work as any type of Travel Agent? Let alone, sell Disney?

The arrest happened on Friday, August 16, 2013. As I was boarding a plane to Disneyland, I got phone calls and texts, back to back while I was sitting on the runway for takeoff, telling me all about it. I can’t say I didn’t smile and was giddy with justice being served. I was. It was the best Disneyland trip this year.

Then on Tuesday, August 20, 2013 I got an email from the current Manager of the new Travel Agency – Fantasy & Dreams Luxury Travel, LLC. The email, as my husband pointed out yesterday in his blog, requested we remove their name from the blog:

Though some of the BSJ agents have come to work for me, we are a separate company from Blue Sky Journeys.  I am formally requesting that you remove any references to Fantasy & Dreams (negative or positive) from your blog.  We are a new agency, just trying to gain our footing in the travel world and I’m sure you aren’t looking to damage my reputation or the reputations of my company or planners.

So we discussed with our legal representation what we should do. We were advised we could remove the link but leave the name because it’s public record. How is it public record, you ask? We have screen shots of that below. Yesterday, Chris decided to remove it completely because he thought the person who sent the email and helped start that company was an unwitting participant. They had believed everything told to them by the Swoaps. They were swindled just as much a victim as the dance group and parents.

Then yesterday evening, Chris and I discussed what the end game was for us. In the end, it is about protecting the clients who were unaware of what happened and the agents who have drunk the Kool Aid and believe everything they are being told. We wanted the public to see the truth. Apparently, so does Fox 17 in Nashville. And WKRN ABC 2.

As a Disney vacation planner and travel agent this has disappointed me and emotionally upset me for a few reasons. First, because it opened up old wounds from December and the way I was treated when all I wanted to do was resign from Blue Sky Journeys. You can see the posts my husband did on that here. Second, because those of us, who eat, sleep and dream magically have a reputation and standard to uphold. Disney is about making dreams come true. When you enter the gates at either park – California or Orlando – the goal is to feel like there is no outside world. The Imagineers have done such a fantastic job of immersing you into the magical world of everything Disney, that you just want to feel that way forever. For me, it’s the only place that my family can shut off their phones, work or school life and we bond together to make the memories that will last a lifetime. I love getting up daily and making magic for my clients.

The Disney travel agent community is a small one: this stuff gets around quickly. Negative things get around even quicker once they are out. Things like what happened with BSJ and the current indictment make us all look HORRIBLE. They are not the first agency to rip off someone–you can Google many rip off reports of small agencies that prey on work at home moms, bring them in as agents with no training, no idea about the industry, give them a login and then, once they begin booking clients, never pay them or shut down and file bankruptcy. NOT ALL AGENCIES OR AGENTS ARE LIKE THIS.

There are many things you can do to ensure you get a great reputable agent / agency to book your travel with:

  1. Make sure to check they are registered with the BBB.
  1. Ask if they are certified or have travel accreditations. For example, are they with a Disney Earmarked agency, do they have their cruise ACC from CLIA and Certification from Travel Institute. Those that are have the certificates and credentials when you search for them.
  1. Ask if they have Errors & Omissions Insurance this protects the agent and client incase of errors on the reservations.
  2. Check with the State to ensure they are a registered business.
  1. Ask how payments are taken. Do they pay the vacation supplier directly or take the money in house. While many agencies are set up to take payments in house, they must be regulated by the State they are in for how to hold clients funds in escrow before paying the vacation supplier.
  1. The best way to protect yourself is to avoid payments by cash or check. Purchase your vacation on a credit card so that if something goes wrong, you can get it back through the Card Company and dispute.
  1. Ask for references: Check their Facebook fan page for recommendations or ask for previous client testimonials.
  1. Always as for confirmation the same a day you are booked or credit card charged.

In the end, my entire goal for this post today is so the public is informed. I don’t have anything against the other Manager of the new agency that emailed me, or the planners who chose to go there. I think they are victims of the situation. I’m sorry that they have to be affected by these stories and posts. This post is no different than any other news story that comes out about this horrendous situation and stealing money from families who just wanted to dance and enjoy Disney. I pray that the agents that have current clients still traveling will get paid what is owed to them. As for the families and children involved, in all sincerity I pray that they are all taken care of and can get repayment. I hope they don’t view the reset of us great agents and agencies out there in the same light as their experience with BSJ.

I appreciate you all reading and supporting my husband’s blog. But for me, this is the end. I’ve told my story to those who have asked. I’ve said my peace and am moving on back to my magical place and vacation planning. Thanks for listening and coming to your own conclusions. If you need a new agent that is certified and reputable, I’m sure I can find you a good one.

– Amanda

Now, the EPIC conclusion!

When Screwing Your Clients Goes Wrong: BSJ Strikes Back

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You know, you all are a fickle bunch.

I write some amazing stuff about villains and movies and comic book stuff and you guys are like “Meh.” I’ve broken Disney World, introduced you to DMFRHs, even wrote a post defending Miley Cyrus of all people. And what’d I get? Crickets. But let me write a little something about a couple of assclowns dogging my wife when she quit her job—yes, the same ones who dropped that super-fantastic voicemail (when are one of you guys gonna auto-tune it?)—and you all give me the single best day on my blog in 2 years! I’m talking about thousands of views. Getting UpVoted on Reddit. And then you asked for more.

Hey, I’m just giving the people what they want.

Now, for the 4 of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, last year my wife joined a fledgling travel agency called Blue Sky Journeys as a Disney Vacation Planner. I even wrote a sappy lil post about it. Then she got hit with a Cease & Desist from another agency and my girl decided to move on. That didn’t go over so well. Not at all.  I wrote a couple of VERY popular blog posts (check them out here, here, aaaannnnd here, and, oh yeah, here), John and Melanie Swoap (the owners of Blue Sky Journeys) left us an AWESOME voicemail, I became a “sack of shit,” and we received several expletive-laced invitations to Tennessee, bosom of America.

But that was last December. And not a week has gone by where I haven’t gotten a “when are you gonna write another post?” inquiry. I didn’t really have much more to say: my wife had moved on, John and I had said all there was to say, and keeping it going was like poking fun at the kids on the short bus. Even I’m not that mean.

But then I started hearing stuff.

First it was little shit like my wife saying, “This agent or that Disney blogger LOVED your blog.” I’d smile and my head would swell and then I’d go back about my day.

Then it was, “Hey, the Earmark Committee knows all about your blog.” Earmark Committee? What’s the Earmark Committee? “Oh,” my wife would say, “they’re the people who decide whether a travel agency becomes an Authorized Disney Vacation Planner. It’s kind of a big deal.” And they know about my blog? “Yeah! They think it’s hilarious! Things aren’t gonna look so hot for Blue Sky Journeys come renewal time.”

Hmm.

But then things took a different turn when my wife got a call that said, “Hi, this is Such-and-So from Disney’s Legal Department. We read your husband’s blog. We’d like to ask you some questions.”

Wait, what?

Yep, Disney Legal is following my blog. And they like it. And no, things didn’t go too well for our friends in the Great State of Tennessee. Like Puffy on Making the Band, Disney came in this past July and shut the studio down. BOOM. No more Disney for you! If you go to blueskyjourneys.com, you just get clip art and pixie dust, right? Right. That’s what business closure looks like.

So the wife and I giggled and guffawed, poured out some liquor and played Boys II Men’s It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday. Ding Dong! The Witch is dead, right? Not exactly. Apparently, you can have your business shut down by Disney and turn around and make a new one THE VERY NEXT DAY…as long as you put it under someone else’s name. Well, a couple of their planners didn’t like the idea and left—of course saying a couple left is like saying Moses took a few people into the desert with him. But whatever—end of the story, right?

Nope.

Now I have to be cautious about what I say because I don’t want to go to jail for slander for discussing a case in litigation—and we all know I’m too pretty for jail—but it is the summer movie season. So let me present it like a trailer:

FADE IN:

Imagine one of those helicopter shots flashing over Disney World toward Epcot.

DEEP-VOICE NARRATOR:

In world where girls just want to dance…and go to Disney World…

CUT TO:

Hotel lobby. A group of dance moms and their dancers stand huddled by the desk. They have tear-stained faces and frazzled hair. The hotel clerk is also disheveled and tired. Things are clearly not going well.

DANCE MOM 1:

What do you mean we don’t have rooms?! We booked with Blue Sky Journeys months ago!

CLERK

I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. We don’t have a reservation for you–not for any of you.

CUT TO:

Same hotel lobby, a young, exhausted travel agent clutches her cellphone to her ear.

TRAVEL AGENT

John, the police want to talk to you! They’re down here now!

CUT TO:

Dimly lit police station. Two detectives are huddled over open files. Stacks of papers and receipts, boxes of folders and evidence bags litter the room. They are pointing at a bulletin board with photos, Disney paraphernalia, colored yarn strung tight between thumbtacks. Looking for connections.

DETECTIVE 1:

Well, how much are they in for?

DETECTIVE 2:

Looks like at least $60,000.

DETECTIVE 1 (grabbing cuffs):

$60,000? Poor little kids. Come on, Ron, let’s go get them.

CUT TO:

Screen Shot 2013-08-19 at 5.08.44 PMScreen Shot 2013-08-19 at 5.09.06 PM

And those are arrest records, folks. For realz. Look at the date–that shit happened on FRIDAY. I saw them and was all like:

You know that can’t be all, right? I got police records, incident reports and a note: if I just got bailed out of jail, the first thing I’d do is go in vacation. Wouldn’t you?

And now there’s more...

Judge Not…Cause the Stones in the Glass Houses…Just Leave Miley Alone

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19 was an interesting year for me: for starters, I got kicked out of college. Well, that’s probably harsher than it sounded: I was politely asked not to return. There, that’s better.

But it got worse.

I spent my 19th birthday sleeping on someone’s desk, not because I was drunk but because I dicked around too long and missed the bus back to my aunt’s house. I had my first younger man-older woman relationship at 19 and it was awesome! Got fired for the first time. Not so awesome. I got caught messing around with a girl in her father’s house BY HER FATHER. Really not awesome. I would go out and get drunk with my friends, drinking 40s of Old English at the top of the Mall of America parking lot and dropping the empty bottles over the side. I got drunk enough that I lost the ability to recite the alphabet. In front of my little sister.

As you can imagine, that Brother of the Year trophy looks amazing on my mantle.

Between 19 and 21, I was a high-ranking official in the global DMFRH operation. I bought a car and summarily got it repossessed. Seems they really like those payments on time. I moved into a townhouse with my best friend, only to find out that our other roommate (a girl) was having sex with her first cousin. I left. I got into my second older woman-younger man relationship and almost got kicked out of college for the second time (apparently those institutions of higher learning don’t appreciate you getting all extra-curricular with their administrators).  I got kicked out an Embers, which is one step lower than a Perkins, for lipstick on my glass (note: I DO NOT wear lipstick). I got kicked out of a movie theater at the Mall of America for having an aggressive Malcolm X conversation too close to a white couple—then intimidating them in said theater.

My scared straight moment didn’t come until I was standing next to a girl that got shot. Before that I was an idiot. I was such an idiot that, at 22, I looked back and said, “Damn, I did some dumb shit.”

You probably did too.

Which brings me to Miley Cyrus. I’ll pause for that “Wait, what?” moment. OK, so follow my train of thought. I have a job. That means I can only watch ONE show on MTV and my choice is Ridiculousness (unless Catfish is on—that’s my shit). If you know me, and by now you do, you know I cannot resist any show that is going to give me videos of people getting fucked up AND have commentary. So I’m watching Ridiculousness and giggling and then there is this commercial for the VMAs and it starts with the Beastie Boys’ “No Sleep Til Brooklyn” and shows a bunch of people in the sewer. And here’s my stream of consciousness train of thought:

“No Sleep Til Brooklyn? Are they honoring the Beastie Boys at the VMAs? Didn’t they do that at the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame already? And didn’t one of them die? That’s gonna be awkward. Why are they in the sewer like a bunch of Michael Jackson back up dancers? Who the hell? Miley Cyrus? Is she that big of deal? Well, that song “We Can’t Stop “ gets stuck in my head every time I hear—godammit, it’s stuck now.”

And that’s how we get to Miley Cyrus.

When Hannah Montana was popular and the Honey Badger wanted a Rock Star birthday party, I distinctly remember saying, “Who the hell is Hannah Montana?” Turns out she had a show and an album and a movie and bedsheets and all kinds of other Disney shit. Next thing I know, she has a song that I can’t get out of my head, is twerking what she doesn’t have and grown women are calling her a “skank” and a “ho.”

Okay, wait.

I’ve admittedly done stupid shit. So have you. But there was a limit on my stupidity mainly because I was a) anonymous and b) poor. Think about it. Most 20 year olds doing dumb shit are college students and college students are notoriously poor. Poverty keeps your stupidity in check in the same way your body secretes a hormone to lock your muscles so you don’t act out your dreams. It’s a natural limiting factor.

Imagine being 20 and stupid and famous and having $120 Million Dollars. Why that’s enough money to do…whatever the fuck you want. What limits do you have? And what do you have to look forward to? Most college students inherently have some limit because of their financial situation and because they eventually have to buckle down and figure out how to pay off those student loans. But what happens when you come into your 20s with a career and millions of dollars? Well, you lose your fucking mind!

Now I’m not a Miley Cyrus fan. I’d feel too much like a pedophile if I were. But I think the harsh judgment against a 20 year old being 20 in the public eye is both unfounded and a little two-faced. We’ve all done stupid shit—it’s a rite of passage—and whether that is limited to Pabst Blue Ribbon-laced hook ups and manufactured slip-n-slides in dormitory hallways or it’s music videos shaking your no ass and smoking marijuana (which is legal in my state), it’s all the same stupid shit.

And we’ve all done it.

MAYHEM OF THE MOUSE – CHERNABOG

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chernabogI’m almost done with this Disney villain nonsense. Almost. For the most part, Disney villains aren’t too shabby: they kill and steal and dog the shit outta people for some of the most mundane, mindless reasons. They commit wholeheartedly to their cause even if it means poisoning a girl for being pretty or trying to kill puppies or tying rockets to talking toys. Disney villains exponentially raise the value of villains because, for all the foul stuff they do, they do it in children’s movies. They are foul for the kids.

And if Disney villains commit, I can commit to bringing them to you. Here’s how deep my commitment goes: I HATE Fantasia. Seriously. I tried to watch it like 4 times and kept quitting a few minutes in because it was lousy. But when I decided to do a run on Disney villains, I got a list from Disney enthusiasts who said I HAD to cover Chernabog and, you guessed it, his ass is in Fantasia.

So fine, I’ll watch it. In fact, I love you wicked little readers so much, I even watched Fantasia 2000. Yep with the Butterflies of Good and Evil and dancing hippos and the Spring fairy thing and Mount St. Helens erupting (which was kinda cool). I saw Mickey and the damn brooms and Donald Duck on Noah’s Ark. And I finally saw Chernabog, the devil thing at the end of Fantasia. Boooo!

And he’s supposed to be one of the top Disney villains? He has like 4 minutes of screen time! No words, he doesn’t go anywhere, he doesn’t do much! What’s the big deal? Sure, watching him burn his own people was fun and I guess in 1940 it was deep but I was raised watching Darth Vader kill his own people through the TV. It wasn’t that big of a deal to me.

With each of my posts I try to give you at least 500 words. I don’t have that many. Instead I’m going with the age-old adage “a picture is worth a thousand words.”

Here’s my official opinion of Chernabog:

Not Impressed

I was not impressed.

MAYHEM OF THE MOUSE – RANDALL BOGGS

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RandallRandall Boggs is an ass. And he’s today’s Disney villain.

You know, I was gonna let you bask in the afterglow of Maleficent’s dragony evil. I was just gonna skip tonight because when I looked at my list of outstanding Disney villains, I realized that I didn’t recognize those MFs. And that means I have to watch some sorry-ass Disney movie to figure out the hell Sykes is. And I HATED The Hunchback of Notre Dame! And Pocahontas. And Fantasia. What this means is I am hedging on the last thing my kids watched and that leads me to Monsters Inc. and to Randall. The ass.

To be fair, all the monsters in Monsters Inc. are asses. You know the story (if you don’t, it sucks to be you, cuz I’m gonna ruin it): the monsters here are the monsters under your bed or in your closet and their job is scaring the cowboy shit outta your young ass because it powers their economy. While the premise is actually pretty cool, these bastards have been ruining nookie night for parents for years so they could watch some shitty ass movie on Monster HBO. I think I’m bitter. Anyway, cute lil Boo follows Sully the Monster back into the Monster’s world, hi jinx ensue, yada yada yada and they found out that the laughter a child—the sweet, innocent laughter of a little child—was ten times more powerful than their tears.

Sweet, isn’t it?

But what would this sweet little tale be without an antagonist? For Monsters Inc., we have Randall Boggs, a jackass chameleon with invisibility powers. You know, Disney villains do often commit horrible atrocities for the wildest of reasons—the Evil Queen thought Snow White was too pretty; Lady Tremaine thinks her busted ass daughters are secretly beautiful; Captain Hook likes little boys. Randall wants to be the Top Scarer at the energy company. This MF has been terrorizing a little girl for a while (per his f’d up job) and decides to kidnap her. This is already foul but Boo is like 3 years old. Kid is traumatized. The plan is to kidnap a little girl and terrify her permanently to extract her scream and power the city so he can be the Top Fucking Scarer.

Seriously.

You know, I like villains. I even like Disney movies. But these aren’t always the cool little movies with the breezy music and the family friendly themes. They’re really animated case studies in some sort of mental ailment. Randall has ambition, sure, but does anybody else take issue with a story that centers around emotionally abusing a 3-year-old? At least Scar fucked with Simba so he could be king. Randall and Mr. Waternoose—hell, everybody in the entire movie—are engaged in an enterprise that traumatizes kids just to turn on the light. It’s funny, yeah, but it’s fucked up.

Truth be told, Randall isn’t actually a bad guy. I mean he’s an ass for kidnapping a child so he could win an award (that genuinely is fucked up) but he’s just working on his career. He’s just a product of a society that’s literally built on terrifying kids. I don’t know why this one bugs me—probably because it’s that it’s packaged as this funny, kid-friendly, feel-good thing and I know that’s crap.

Anyway, that’s my word. Gimme your thoughts on this one and I’ll catch you tomorrow!

When Quitting Your Job Goes Wrong – Are You Serious? There’s a Part 4?

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I really didn’t want to do this. Really. I actually have other stuff to focus on. It’s the end of the year, I’m supposed to be writing a book, my Vikings are trying to make the playoffs, there’s laundry to do, toenails to clip. I got shit to do. So this is me telling everyone that I am going be done. I have to be.

But not today!

Look at you—you got a little sad, didn’t you? I swear this is the gift that keeps on giving. And given this holiday season, I’m happy to receive. What you’re seeing below is a comment left by our good friend, John Swoap. He left it yesterday (after the phone call) on Part II and…I pulled it. It wasn’t because of the content (I mean seriously, look at what has been said already). It’s because of the debate. This isn’t Meet the Press: both sides don’t have to be equally represented. Again, my house, my rules. But there’s this whole thing about my balls…so here is the comment in its entirety and it’s also visible on Part II:

Commentary

That said, you know I can’t just let it lie, right? And since we have to have Point/Counterpoint, we’re going to break it down Fact Check style:

So am I Leslie (in response to Leslie waiting for Part 3). I wish I was as smart as these two think they are. Soliciting people who work for me.

Fact Check: She actually never “solicited” anyone (that’s illegal, except in Nevada and on some farms in Tennessee). When asked where she was going after she quit, Amanda simply told those that asked. A few then asked for additional information and Amanda offered. It was also publicly displayed on her Facebook fan page.

Outright lying in the letter she posted to every employee, breaching her contract on four different areas.

Fact Check: Outright lying? Pot called the kettle what? It’s tough to lie on a screenshot. For every last word written, there is an email, screen shot or document to back it up. I know the real issue is the Reply All: if you don’t want your business in the street, don’t email the world. Those contract issues that you have with her contract that ended on 12/6/12, should be taken up directly with the attorney’s office.

Get your reading in now folks, this blog will be coming down in a matter of a few weeks. You see, no matter how eloquent Chris Starr thinks he is, obviously doesn’t understand contract law.  

Fact Check: Oh my God! John complimented me! I’m twitterpated! But real talk, he’s right: contract law is not my forte. I actually don’t have my JD. However, for contract law to apply to me, wouldn’t I have to have a contract with you? Isn’t that a key component? Notice who has been conspicuously absent from this conversation is Amanda—she hasn’t said shit. I am simply publicizing emails to a personal account on my computer and voicemail on a phone that I pay for. “Get your reading in now, folks, this blog will be coming down…” This is fantastic! Funny thing about the First Amendment: it works even when you don’t like what somebody says. If that was the case, Fox News would be a distant memory.

What he also fails to mention is that is wife contacted planners of mine for handouts because (there was no money for Christmas), the money we advanced to their family when we were told they had no gas money to get from the hospital and back home, the opportunity we GAVE her and the way she calculated a way to piss on everything that was handed to her on a platter.

Fact Check: This is my favorite part. Amanda NEVER contacted anyone for handouts. She did ask for a commission that was due to her for a client that had traveled and Disney had paid BSJ for. That’s not a handout; that’s payment. That was the only time she ever asked for her commission prior to her check being mailed. Amanda never asked for a gift basket. I didn’t ask for a gift basket (but I should have asked for an alternator). Melanie Swoap talked to me about a gift basket for Amanda. When my wife figured out something was happening, she emailed Melanie and said “if you’re doing something, don’t do it for me. Send gift cards for the kids since Christmas is going to be hard.” Health care reform or not, cancer and surgery are fucking expensive! Melanie’s gift basket that the planners gave to was more than generous and Amanda was thankful and thrilled. She has actually boxed it up though to send it back since BSJ is being so nasty about it calling her ungrateful and faking surgery for attention.

Amanda did not destroy company property (there are actually screenshots for this too). She made website changes and believed they were in a draft state and have not gone live. She had planned to go over these changes with the owners, however the next morning she received and email telling her not to make any more changes. She abided and profusely apologized since she didn’t know they went live due to a change in the Wix settings. This is the only mistake Amanda made. Neither John nor Melanie would answer her calls or emails for the next 5 days to discuss. You know the rest. Again, emails, phone logs and records will prove all of this.

Were we angry? Yes. Did we handle everything the way we should have? No. Facts are facts. I left a nasty voice mail after receiving phone calls from Disney about irate clients who were not informed by the professional Amanda Bell Starr that they would not receive all of their money back when she canceled their reservations to move them to another agency. Not that it was a big deal financially, she, she was mediocre at best at selling and had racked up a whopping $9721, but I had to deal with Disney Travel Company for her professionalism.

Fact Check: See, you can’t say “facts are facts” and then invent your own. This little passage is an excellent example of “truthiness” but not exactly the truth. The voicemail was left on 12/8/12 … 5 minutes after Amanda’s first email response to Melanie (see part 1 of this series). The client that was upset about her deposit contacted Disney on 12/10/12, therefore the voicemail was left PRIOR to the upset client. (Oooooohhh busted!) The truth part: that client was upset about her deposit but the matter was resolved by Disney directly and her existing reservation canceled as she wanted. This client is not upset with Amanda at all: she is happily booked with Disney now for a magical vacation. (Better not add planner on the end of this sentence or I can be sued trademark infringement huh?) Curses, foiled again!

Unprofessional? John Swoap is giving lessons in professionalism? Ooo-kay. Since she is so unprofessional, all but one family chose to cancel their reservations when she told them she was quitting because they didn’t want to be without her. Why is that if she was so unprofessional? Hmm. The sales thing is fluid too, huh? Whether its $12 or $12,000, she works on commission, right? And it was actually over $21K—the fact that you don’t know that is problematic, wouldn’t you say? You’re making yourself look bad now…

The emails he posted were sent back and forth, but what he again fails to mention, is that the letters and emails that came from Amanda contained lies designed to cause discord among our other planners. I own my mistakes, Chris. Why don’t you ask your wife to own the fact that she is a liar, a scammer and below average in intelligence proven by the fact that neither of you have thought through the ramifications that this blog will bring on you and your family.

Fact Check: I’m generally not a detail-oriented guy. I’m really not. I’m more of a big picture type of person. But there is one little detail that seems to be overlooked: the date stamp. See our friend John seems to forget that THEY started this. This would be a non-issue if her resignation was simply accepted and outstanding commission paid. End of story. But I get it, that divisive Amanda! Making you leave stupid ass voicemails, huh? That scamming broad, sending messages to your staff calling herself a pill-popping alcoholic! That lying ass! Calling people retarded! And if she was so below intelligence and needed a helmet, why the hell a) hire her and b) promote her to a managerial position? The stupidity seems one-sided, partner.

As a father, it is your JOB to protect them but you want to throw them into the fire. As a business owner and a father, it is my job to protect my family as well. You don’t have the money to fight me, you don’t have the knowledge to know what you have stepped into and I bet you don’t have balls to leave this comment up for everyone to read.

Fact Check: “You don’t have the money to fight me.” Maybe, maybe not. What I do have is the ability to add and subtract. Let’s talk math for a second. Let’s say you do $1M in sales (for shits and giggles), Blue Sky Journeys receives approximately 10% commission from Disney on that, right? That’s about $100,000, right? Respectable. But then you pay your planners a portion of that for their commissions. Uh oh, pot’s getting slender. My point here is you should probably re-evaluate that statement. You have no idea what we have in our back pocket let alone bank account. Again, we’ll welcome any letter from your attorney.

“You don’t have the knowledge to know what you have stepped into.” This coming from a pair that made this hit.  I think I’ll be alright.

And the balls thing…c’mon dude. That’s too easy for me.

There you have it, folks.

Stay tuned for the Greatest Hits edition later today:

  • John’s email to an ex-planner calling her “despicable”
  • John’s email to Chris this morning. Yep–this morning.
  • John defending his wife by fighting with a potential client of Amanda’s on facebook.
  • And the hits keep coming….

When Quitting Your Job Goes Wrong – DMFRH: Poking the Bear Edition Part III

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Here I was, actually working on my latest post when I received a rare—and utterly delightful—call from the main antagonist in this little melodrama: Big John Swoap. I got butterflies. Really, it was spectacular: I started out a muthafucka and ended up a son of a bitch. Not sure how my mother would feel about that last one but to say I am honored is an understatement. Who knew they read my blog?

I’ll give you a quick rundown of that call (this is like late-breaking news) but then I have to get back to the story (this jackass is screwing up my continuity). So I’m minding my own business, going over the next batch of emails that I want to share with the world when Amanda’s phone rings. “Look who’s calling,” she says. “It’s Blue Sky Journeys!”

“Why could they be calling me?” I’m thinking. “It’s like 10 o’clock on Saturday night for them.”

I grab the phone, put on my bravest voice (because I am so excited), “Hello.”

“It’s John Swoap. How ya doing, motherfucker?” This, by far, is the best opening I have ever had to an argument. Ever. It was nice, cordial, and ended with a cut.

Me: “I’m grand.”

BJS: “Grand, huh? You’re not gonna be. You’re not going to be able to put food on your table when I get finished with you.”

Me: “We can’t eat? Why can’t we eat?”

BJS: “I am going to break you! You’re not going to be able to eat, muthafucka. You’re going to have to come to Tennessee, which I know you can’t afford (because my bank statements are routed to Tennessee), and then, while you’re here, we’re going to continue to case so you’re going to have to come back. Which I know you can’t afford. Five Hundred Grand, you sack of shit!”

I have never actually been called a sack of shit. I’ve been told I wasn’t shit but never been a whole sack of it. Is that the preferred quantity for purchasing and/or moving shit? In sacks? And here’s where I would offer a note: if you want me to stop saying stuff, to actually stop repeating the shit you say, perhaps you should stop talking. Just sayin.

Anyway, I’m just going with it, trying to be as nice as possible (cuz I’m so boosted that he called! Now I know how teenage girls feel…). The deal is that I threatened him that I was going to publicize everything (which should be a clue to stop talking), that I threatened him when I said I wanted to kick his ass (you’ll see that part below), and that there is breach of contract. Breach of contract? I never actually worked for Blue Sky Journeys. Suffice it to say we’re not going to be BFFs. And I am really broken up about it.

But I gotta get back to the story.

And there is actually more. I know…I couldn’t believe it either.

Quick recap (because I have even more stuff today): Amanda was working for a Disney vacation planning agency called Blue Sky Journeys when she received a Cease and Desist letter from an attorney regarding a trademark issue. Between that and some other unsavory business practices, she decides to cut her losses and move on to another agency. This doesn’t go over well. At all. The owners, Melanie and John Swoap kick out a series of fucked up emails (where they call my wife a pill-popping alcoholic, a bitch and a thief) and then do a drunk Captain and Tennille routine on her voicemail.

These folks are freaking awesome. But not so bright. Because, despite numerous requests to simply shut the fuck up, they keep the party going and here we are.

Now, everything you’ve read so far is from DAY ONE. One day! All that nonsense in one day. When Amanda sent her last email copying her business attorney, everybody shut up for the night. The next day, there’s this brief exchange:

John Response Dec 9

Amanda Response Dec 9

And then:

John Nice

What? Somebody wants to play nice? It’s about time, right? Add a little civility to this conversation and everyone can go back to their respective corners and be done. So Amanda sends her conciliatory email as well and we go about our day.

And if that was all, this would suck for a Part 3, wouldn’t it? Instead, she gets the email below. For the record, because this was a response email, I changed the font color to red for everything from my man:

John to PlannersAmanda wasn’t actually supposed to get this email.  If you are going to talk shit about somebody via email, someone who used to work for you, you should probably TURN OFF THEIR EMAIL! Seriously. Amanda got this email because they sent a message to all the planners and copied her on an email about her because folks can’t figure how to disable an email address.

But nobody responds and Sunday proves to be largely uneventful. Monday, December 10, though, is an entirely different thing. On Monday, Amanda was awakened by a call at 7am from a client, talking about “Why are these people calling me?” Then another client. Then an advertising partner. They were calling her clients and advertisers disparaging her to them. Actually calling her a “fuck up.” You stay classy, San Diego.

At some point, this nonsense has to stop, right? My wife has gotten a plethora of emails from the Great State of Tennessee (center of America), she’s getting copied on emails talking about her, her clients are getting calls, Disney is actually calling here…and again, this is because she quit her job. I can’t imagine why… So I finally break my own silence and script this PHENOMENAL email:

You Should Stop

The initial response is to be reminded that “hey, I decided to be good.” I remind him that he wasn’t:

You Should Stop Response 1

Chris Stop Response

Then he encourages me to test him. That wasn’t smart…

John Stop Final

Well, there it is. The rubber has met the road, folks. Because now John and I are talking man to man and there are legal threats flying and everything else. And we would have been good if he wouldn’t have asked me not to publish ONE THING. That’s actually how we got here: it was a dare, wasn’t it? Isn’t that what you saw?

Since that lovely conversation, things were quiet. Until today. Apparently there is internet in Tennessee and folks saw my little blog today. To say they are unhappy is an understatement. Livid is probably the best word. I gave you the recap earlier and tomorrow, we’ll be doing a greatest hits album! I have:

• The comment that just got posted to my blog
• The argument currently ensuing on YouTube
• Remember that planner that got fired for posting about who she was voting for? She’s “despicable” and you get to see the Facebook post

And you better check all this stuff out now because when Big John secures his attorney my blog is coming down…at least that the latest threat.

“This shit’s chess, it ain’t checkers!” – Training Day

When Quitting Your Job Goes Wrong – DMFRH: Poking the Bear Edition Part I

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Howdy Ho boys and girls! In the midst of your post-Christmas – pre-New Year’s – do I seriously have to go back to work? stupor, I welcome you back to Crooked Letterz, the place where we look at the darker side of life and point fingers and laugh. I am your host, Christopher Starr, and THIS is Dis MuthaFucka Right Here – Poking the Bear Edition (edition edition edition)

I gotta get some fireworks or something.

Now before I get started, I have to say a word of thanks for the kind words, well wishes and general good will. You guys have been incredibly patient and I appreciate you sharing my concern over my wife during her Big C diagnosis and surgery and offering your condolences after my grandmother’s passing. I sincerely appreciate it—more than you’ll ever know.

But it is time to get back to it. We’re gonna get back to our villainy business in 2013 (promise!) with the conclusion of Mayhem of the Mouse and the rest of the Festival of Fiendishness (I gotta get to 100 villains) but for now, I have something a little different in mind.

Lemme get my John McCain on: my friends, today’s post is pretty special.

As 2012 winds to a close, I am inspired to look back at some of the fun times we’ve had together: you laughed at me walking my dog with Hello Kitty earphones, we looked at about 65 of our favorite villains, broke Disney World, and we saw the rise of DMFRH with The Boy, Shawn T (punk ass), and me. As a matter of fact, 2012 has been quite the year for muthafuckas. Lucky for you, I saved the best for last. Consider it my gift to you…

Earlier this year, I broke from the dark stuff to write a sappy, saccharine-laced post called Pursue Your Happyness. It was about my wife finding her happy place planning Disney vacations for people who feel perfectly at home with man-sized mice and what I am convinced is a rabid duck in a sailor’s suit. And NOBODY has pants. What’s wrong with pants?

But that’s beside the point.

That post centered around her joining an Authorized Disney Vacation Planning agency (who shall remain nameless—but whose initials are Blue Sky Journeys). The company was truly an American story: started by a young couple with $30 and dream, grew to have national reach and about 30 planners. It was cool shit. I was happy for my wife and happy she’d joined such a close-knit “family.”

Until shit got stupid.

See, I’ve worked with large and small companies, startups, nonprofits and Fortune 500s. I’ve made my share of clerical errors and full-scale fuck ups. I don’t begrudge mistakes. I take issue with how you deal with them. And in each of those instances, with each of those organizations, when I departed, my departure was handled with professionalism, courtesy and decorum.

I guess you can imagine that’s not exactly what happened.

And if you’re wondering why I’m saying it at all, it’s because someone told me not to. Not to publish “ONE THING.” That reverse psychology Jedi mind trick bullshit doesn’t work on me. I slept with a woman 14 years my senior who worked at my college because somebody told me not to. I moved out of my mother’s house 16 hours after moving in because somebody told me what not to do. If you don’t want me to publish it, you probably shouldn’t say stupid stuff in email. To me. Or on voicemail. Dummy.

So, gather ‘round kiddos and let me tell you the story of Dees Muthafuckas Right Here. Once upon a time, there was a girl with a dream about making people pay ridiculous prices for mouse-themed vacations. So she found an agency to make her little dream come true. Now, for a variety of reasons (the final one being served with a Cease and Desist for simply doing her job with the tools given) the girl—my wife—decided it was best to part ways with her homey little travel agency and penned this resignation letter:

ResignationIt’s relatively standard, right? Maybe adds a little more specificity than I would have but it’s essentially “I’m out, pay me what you owe.” And it garners an appropriate response:

Johns response resignation

Now if that were the end of this story, it’d be sad indeed. Lucky for all of us, our friends in Tennessee do not disappoint. A couple hours later, this strolls into the Inbox:

Melanies-response-resignation

Wait, what?

Suddenly, things aren’t so magical. Or grammatically correct. I think we’re in HUDGE trouble…

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Chris, this is awfully one-sided. You’re only posting their stuff.” And you’d be right: it’s my blog. My house, my rules. And we’re the good guys. But I hear you, I hear you—so I’ll post Amanda’s response. But before I do, I want you to notice 2 things: 1) this is the owner of the company talking; and 2) she copied everybody and their mama on it. All 30 of those planners, some of them friends, received the same email.

So Amanda copied them too:

Amanda Response 1

Amanda Response 2

Amanda Response 3

The email was bad enough. But they really didn’t appreciate the Reply All. Not one bit (you gotta say it in the Joker voice).

This is only the beginning: this story gets SOOOOO much better–you gotta keep reading for Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and the Greatest Hits, all featuring:

• More emails!
• Legal threats!
• A drunk ass voicemail!
• And then – Chris gets involved!

“You knew this was coming, Pete.” – Harry Osborne, Spiderman 3

MAYHEM OF THE MOUSE MAD, MAD WEEKEND #2: YZMA #mayhemofthemouse

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Your girl’s weight loss plan is a little extreme, wouldn’t you say? Yzma is the fourth and final villain in today’s lengthy episode of the Mad, Mad Weekend Part TWO (part two!) or, as it is affectionately referred to here, “Godammit, I’m so far behind!”

As Disney movies go, I kinda liked this one. It had some funny moments, David Spade was…well David Spade and Kronk (you either know him as Puddy from Seinfeld or the Tick in The Tick or Joe from Family Guy) was dumb as all hell. But this isn’t as much about the movie as it is about the villain and we are focusing on Yzma, extreme workout enthusiast and advisor to the emperor in the Emperor’s New Groove.

Yzma has a pretty basic and predictable story arc: the Emperor (Spade) is a certifiable dumbass and Yzma thinks she can do better. She sets a plan in motion that will kill the Kuzco and drop her neatly into the seat of power. There is one problem: execution.

Like far too many villains in Disney flicks, the main antagonist who believes they can rule an empire or Mount Olympus or whatever suffers from shitty-ass staffing (and yes, I know that my compound curse word is ridiculous). She chooses an absolute moron (Kronk) to handle the delicate task of killing Kuzco. How does this work out? Instead of the Emperor dropping dead from poison, Kronk dilutes the liquid and Kuzco turns into a llama. A fucking llama? Yzma is a chemist; like she has THE quintessential chemistry set (which is pretty high-tech for something from the Aztec Empire) and can’t concoct a poison strong enough to kill someone from one sip? Not only that, what potion has a side effect that turns someone into a horse-size bunny rabbit?

Well, now Kronk can’t bring himself to kill a talking llama so he saves the guy he was going to kill. So the rest of the movie is spent with Yzma and Kronk running around, trying to kill a talking llama. Now I have a couple notes. First, Yzma tried to kill Kuzco so she could run the empire, right? Who the hell is running the empire while my man is an oversized goat and they’re chasing him? Second, I’m an Obama fan but if the president were somehow turned into a talking llama, my vote’s in play. (I’m going to let you imagine an Obama-Llama debating Mitt Romney). Third, how good of an emperor was Kuzco at all? He’s lazy, doesn’t particularly care about the poorest of his folks, and we NEVER see him emperor-ing. Would he have been that much of a loss?

I get Yzma’s overall desire for power. That makes sense. I don’t understand her ineffectiveness: she can’t kill David Spade and I promise you, the number of people who can’t kill David Spade is horribly low. She’s more like a Scooby Doo villain who would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that meddling llama.

I’ll be back tomorrow with a brand new helping of villainy goodness. Catch ya later!