Gaston, from Beauty and the Beast fame, is our vicar of villainy in this episode and presents himself as the preeminent male in Belle’s little provincial town. But, you know, you can only be so hard with a ponytail. It’s even harder if that ponytail has a bow on it. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Chris, Steven Seagall was RAW!” Yeah, I saw him beat a man up with a dish towel and a cue ball too but have you seen Stevie lately? Looking like a stuffed sausage in his sheriff’s outfit? Yeah, not so sexy, now, huh?
Gaston is a thick-necked jackass (so much so he even sings about it). He’s good-looking but not terribly smart, overly-confident but probably over-compensating, and cannot stand that the one woman he wants is the one he can’t have. He’s the dude you KNOW is gonna get killed in the horror movie. You know who I’m talking about: the loud-mouthed bully, jag-off with the expensive car and turned up collar. What’s his name? Blaine? Zack? He deserves a knife through the skull…
There was this movie a while ago, She’s All That, where a pre-Scooby-Doo Freddie Prinze Jr. makes a bet to turn the geeky girl at the high school into a prom queen. Instead of it going into Carrie territory, it becomes a heart-warming teen romance bullshit story. This is the same shit. Gaston thinks he can make Belle into something fitting for a man of his stature (even with the ponytail) so he dogs her every step. More than likely, someone told Gaston that girls who read are secretly freaky (there is some truth to that sexy librarian idea—you know I’m right). But then Gaston finds out Belle is with the Beast and decides to off his competition.
Here is where Gaston moves into the Grade A Chump category. Remember when I said he wasn’t too bright? My man decides a) the best way to win Belle’s heart is to imprison her father and kill her boyfriend; and b) takes on a guy the ENTIRE TOWN calls The Beast. Folks, you know the Beast can roar, right? Like the WHOLE TOWN has heard his animalistic sounds. You also know there are wolves and the castle is haunted and shit? Somehow Gaston manages to convince the entire town to rush the Beast’s castle.
It doesn’t end well. For anybody. I don’t know about you, but fighting haunted shit is not in my job description, with or without the torches and pitchforks. Fuck that. Dressers don’t bleed; clocks don’t bruise. I do. When the candlestick is fighting back, we should reconsider our plan. But they stick with it. And they LOSE! But Gaston is a bitch: he shanks the Beast in the back after the Beast saves him. And then the Beast kicks him off the top of the tower. Gaston go BOOM!
I’m not Gaston fan (can you tell?) He’s a dick, plain and simple and his entire motivation is that he wants what he cannot have. That’s it. He wants Belle, can’t have her, and ends up dead as a result. This is stupid and, frankly, a bit stalkerish. Booo.
We’re gonna do doubles today (for real) and next in the Mayhem is ol Big Head herself, the Queen of Hearts.
Despite being so inept, what makes Gaston a good villain is that he’s real. Without getting into politics or anything, I know plenty of people who think a woman should be home raising the kids, fawning over her husband as he drinks Bud Light while watching the game. Belle is a liberated woman – she reads, she doesn’t need a meathead boyfriend.
And then Disney screws it up by marrying her off at the end, of course – to someone who likes books, but it’s a man who completes her life after all. So maybe this is a Disney story where the bad guy actually does kind of win?
Maybe that’s what I hated about him: I know plenty of Gastons already. Not fans of them either. I get that Belle is an independent woman–her whole story is that she trades her independence for someone else. She gives up her freedom so someone can have theirs. I don’t know if this is noble or more of the same Disney portrayal of women (check out my Mother Gothel post). At least the Beast has to earn her love even though she gave up her freedom. Is that some animated form of human trafficking?
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🙂 I really like your Mayhem of the Mouse-series, so I have nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award. You can chose whether you’d like to participate or not.
If you chose to participate, these are the rules:
The rules are simple:
1. Thank the one who nominated you.
2. Attach the award to your site.
3. List 7 random things about yourself
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers
If you wanna see an example (how I did it): http://whatdisneymoviesteachus.wordpress.com/2012/10/19/nomination/
Thanks so much! It’s so nice to be recognized. I’d like to thank the Academy; my producer, Earl; all the villains–say what you wanna say but I have NEVER worked with a nicer, more professional group of sadistic, malicious, vicious, vindictive miscreants…